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Saturday, September 1, 2007

What a disaster

PARADISE TEMPORARILY CLOSED DUE TO BUDGET CUTS
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Operation Rota <3's Boni again.

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TODAY AT THE GROCERY STORE
Cashier to me: I received twenty dollars.
Me (in my head): Uh-yeah, that's because I just handed it to you.

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It is Disaster Preparedness Month and I have two thoughts, one serious and one tongue in cheek.
Serious - Instead of bringing in the testosterone overdosed terrorism response team and scaring the beteljuice out of our students, why can't a handful of conscientious agencies come in and:

1. Show students how to make a practical "kid friendly" typhoon kit. Kids always get left out when typhoons hit and they become bored out of their brains while the adults try to secure the house, etc. I'm just thinking. A good kit: flashlight or neon stick, non-perishable snacks and water, coloring book/book, their own radio with batteries, age appropriate games, and some glow in the dark stickers.

2. In addition to dialing 911 in emergencies, kids need to know what important information to give the dispatcher. They could create refrigerator cards with address, phone number, proper names, the street where they live. Thinking here.

3. Instead of talking about snipers and terrorists, law enforcement can talk about who's job it is to protect our students and reassure them that they will be taken care of if anything scary ever happens. When Sept. 11th happened, all the children wanted to know was "who is going to take care of us so that we don't get hurt". A simulated terrorist abduction and CUC bomb threat is completely useless. Still thinking here.

4. Give kids simple tips about how to keep themselves safe from predators. Kids need to practice how to scream at the top of their lungs and run like mad. In most abductions, statistics show that the kids who don't return are the ones who "obey" their abductors thinking they can get off on good behavior. Kids need to know that when they are lost, they should look for the nearest woman with children. Kids need to know their parents full names, address, etc.
Sarcastic - The government should re-think their disaster preparedness presentations to include the following.

For Scheduled School Power Outages:
  • How to teach 30 or more students how to read in pitch blackness using brail.
  • How to flush toilets for 0ver 870 students and staff using the collected sweat,snot and tears.
  • How to telepathically notify the radio stations, parents, central office and the bus drivers to let them know we are sending students home. (No power - no fax, no phone)
For Budget Shortfalls:
  • How to conserve the second ply of toilet paper so that it will last until next fiscal year.
  • How incorporate using metal detectors into P.E. class so kids can scrounge for loose change on the playground in order to buy gas for the van and lawn mowers.
  • How to recycle the dilapidated, termite infested wood into No. 2 pencils for the SAT10.
  • How to collect the early morning dew with hibiscus leaves so that we have enough water for students to drink.
  • How to integrate security duty for students into an evening Social Studies curriculum.


10 comments:

Bruce A. Bateman said...

Great post, Boni, but how does this fit into the flowers and boogers game plan?

You get one free Margarita at Porky's for the 'Sarcastic' section. Tell 'em Mr. Grapes sent you.

Boni said...

The word "Hibiscus" appears once in that post and you'll find, if you look carefully, a reference to boogers.

One free margarita!!! Thanks! Atleast this time, I'm not sending myself:) It's my favorite after work office, the wireless is a blessing.

Bruce A. Bateman said...

We look forward to seeing you there.

Deece said...

Great ideas, Boni. Will you be incorporating them into your school?

BTW, I love the new look.

Bryan said...

funny...maybe that cashier is just a verbal thinker. "I received $20" "I'm putting it in the drawer" "I'm getting change" "I'm saying goodbye" "Goodbye"

Boni said...

DC: If it fits into our September plans, otherwise we will decline agency involvement. Sometimes we get so bogged down with outside contests and activities that instructional time is lost.
Bryan: Thankfully she is focused on the money. Can you imagine? "I received a ten, boy your shoes are ugly!"

A G Gatto said...

I hope "<3's" is a good thing. If not, here's a 6x (3-2y) to balance the equation.

;)

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A G Gatto said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Boni said...

That's the sign for loooove. I do not <3 algebra.

A G Gatto said...

aaw.. now my wife will have a reason to strangle me this time.

:)

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