Saturday, April 30, 2011

I have realized lately, that I'm always holding on for something to be done.  It's become my coping mechanism for handling multiple tasks without freaking out.  I stay calmer when I know that things don't last forever.  For instance, I'll start a project or commit to something and think the whole time, "three more weeks and it'll be over."  Everything ends, eventually.  The weekend's over, accreditation's done, my sister's married, my son's a man and I am 40.  Then  I'll move on to the next thing and in no time the days will flicker, like lights before the power goes out, and that too will pass, with or without me thinking about it.  Tomorrow becomes 30 minutes from now so quickly.  The future is a memory waiting to happen.  It's a good thing and a bad thing. 
Do this.  Wherever you are, consciously decide to remember every detail about the moment.  What you're wearing, the way your skin feels in your clothes, the smells, how you feel . . . and try to imagine it as a memory.   Poof. 

Friday, April 29, 2011

It makes me all warm and tingly inside

Sometimes I just can't believe my eyes. I mean, I can believe what I'm reading, but I can't believe that people say the things they do. The Governor said, in today's paper, that  taking away Educational Tax Credit benefits is a great idea?!  Then he goes on to say that just because the they're  taking money that businesses choose to donate in order to augment the sad reality that schools aren't supported enough, "PSS should not place additional burdens on the central government during these difficult economic times." Right.  Who needs snotty little kids whining about being in hot classrooms and not having enough crayons?  It's not like the government is responsible for them anyway.  Public school schmublic school.  Who needs education?  Pffshh...

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Vintage CorningWare...I'm Speechless

My mom came over with several pots of orchids for our yard last Friday.  Yes, that was nice, but if you know my mother she is always giving me some quirky garage sale find she managed to hoard for years, just waiting for the perfect time to surprise me. "Hmmm... Good Friday, I think Boni could use another Southwest deviled eggs tray." 
Her favorite presents are old dishes, magazines with living healthy advice about 20 years too old or ginormous tapestries mounted on gold plated frames. It used to bug me, but now that I've found mismatched kitchenware to be chic, I gratefully accept all things as long they aren't from China.  My mother dislikes anything from China, even though everything comes from China.  Except fortune cookies.  I get those on the internet for cheap.  I kinda like that there are hints of her everywhere now.  It kind of reminds me that I though I try to put everything in neat little piles, not everything belongs that way.  Like life.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Mommy, Does the Easter Bunny Have GPS?

There are things I do as a mother to create little memories for my children.  Things like making cookies for Santa, turning graveyards into chocolate pudding and playing Easter Bunny once a year.  This year, the Easter Bunny isn't coming.  The girls will be somewhere else when they wake up Sunday morning.  To me, it feels like the secret hiding places in this house will be crying out for colorfully wrapped, sugary sweet happiness packaged in cellophane and the sound of children searching for another memory.  In reality, I'm having a harder time saying goodbye to the Easter Bunny than the girls are.  It has a lot to do with having to say goodbye to what I thought would never end.  I never thought there would come a day when I wouldn't have my children around.  Or a time when I couldn't be the one tying bows on their baskets, watching them giggle and awe at what I'd crafted for them with my love.
I could be selfish and give away hints that I'll miss them.  Manipulate them into staying so that I can watch them hunt for baskets.  Steal opportunities for them to grow.  Cheat them into loving me more.   This is sounding more and more ridiculous the more I think about it.  More than my mommyhood, what I really want is for my children to love.  Not just me, but themselves and everyone lucky enough to share their lives with them. 
 "Train up a child in the way that she should go, and when she is old, she will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
Aiden on a jellybean high 
  Hope and Nanny helping with the Easter Cupcakes