Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I got out of the conference today with plenty of time to do my prep for my presentation tomorrow, walk around the shops at the mall and eat a nice dinner. I purposefully got back super early so that I could get online and say hello to my honey and then finish my book in utter tranquility. That was the plan. The plan was thwarted by this inability to even get myself psyched to read. I am sitting on my hotel bed thinking about how quiet it is and how disquieting that feels. Totally counterproductive! So here I sit, lamenting this serenity I don't deserve. It's 10:00 pm and in about four hours, because in normal Saipan time I have insomnia, I will drift off to sleep without having swung from the chandelier even once.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
"Because I Said So" isn't exactly a timeless title and I have come to realize that things don't happen just because I say so. On the contrary, sometimes I say things vehemently, meaning for them to happen (and happen now!) and the universe in her wisdom kicks me straight to the curb. Because she says so! Besides, my husband does everything I say and more. Even things I only intend to say are magically taken care of. It takes all the fun out of my proclamation of authority. Sigh. So I need a change. I've fiddled with a few titles so far, but I need your help.
Take a look see:
Bon D.O.C. (I fix boo-boos, chase away the boogie man and make things all better, see? I am Mom: Department of Corrections)
Bonfires Are Pretty
Is that covered, because I'm broke
Somewhat Bonnish, Mostly Mommish
And then it was bedtime
Sand In My Toes (that's how I like my weekends to end)
Ketchup...I'm always playing
Chop, Chop, Kaching! (the hastily written, random musings of a debatably ordinary mom)
Don't make me count to three!
As you can see, I went a little crazy with the titles. It could be that I'm just brilliant, but it's most likely because I'm exhausted. With a capital HAUSTED! I am willing to take your suggestions too, just in case all these stink and because I'm flexible like that. Yeah, that's how I roll. While you decide, I think I'll work on my new banner and mess with a brand spanking new template design. No telling when this baby is gonna pop. Gestationally speaking, this is called nesting. I'm nesting my blog.
Randomly nonsensically speaking, I read the online paper for the first time in a long time again. There is a lot of negativity and blamestorming going on there, no wonder why I stopped reading it. Nobody uses their real names when commenting so I don't know if I like them or not. That's because I base my decisions on real people who have names and not anonymous people who can only share their opinions behind a mask of pretend. I liked to pretend when I was eight. Now I'm older and if I have an opinion I'll give it to you.
I also perused...he he he...I mean lurked on blogs today. There are still a lot of really good bloggers in the CNMI even though most of us have kind of decided we'd rather do something other than spew our life stories to the world. The world of islands. The island. Maybe just to pooper scoopers. That's what one of my FB friends calls them, pooper scoopers. People who lurk on your page to collect the latest happenings then distort them for their purposes. Their purpose usually turns out to be full of shit. As I was saying, I found some new blogs (to me) that I liked, some old ones that I missed somehow and rekindled my love for my faves.
That song from the Eagles is stuck to my brain "...Well I'ma runnin' down the road tryin' to loosen my load, I got seven women on my mind..." except I have about four things on my mind, they aren't women and I don't know how I'll ever get them done before deadline. "Take it easy...take it easy...don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy..." I have decided that I need a red DONE button like the one in the Staples commercial, except that's an EASY button. I prefer done to easy because no matter the amount of effort I put into things I like to be eventually finished with them. This never pertains to dishes, laundry or cleaning, sadly.
Lots of people like to say "not ashame" a lot. It's like how "fer real" was popular before, remember? I want to say it too, but I never felt it was really appropriate until this morning when my friend told me a story about how some self-absorbed butt-head obnoxiously invited themselves to something and had people at the table wondering more appropriately, WTF? Not ashame! I didn't say it out loud though, but now that I'm blogging it, I wish I had. Names and details were omitted to protect the identity of everyone. Sorry that was so ambiguous.
The other morning my son said out of nowhere, "I think Peyton is the most beautiful out of all of us. I think Hope is most like you, that's why you fight so much." Just out of the blue, just like that. Then we talked about all sorts of things like why grandma is never wrong, why auntie Yvette is just like grandma and why I'll always be the best girl in his life. Ok so he didn't exactly say that, but as we were talking I got a vision of him at 6 years old saying, "mama you 0-ways be my bess girl." Sigh.
Meeting's about to start up again and I have myriad thoughts running through my mind, especially about MLK Jr. and things not seemingly related him, but important nonetheless. That's another post I suppose because it's finally sunny outside and I want to be able to stand in it for at least ten minutes before I have to start thinking again. Thinking hard, like about the four things I have to get done that I have only recently started. Okay so I haven't started on them yet, but I'm thinking about it.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
One, we all need purpose in our lives. I'm always saying I want to be happy, like I just want to be happy, that's all. The truth is, I don't just want to be happy, I want to live my life with direction. Purpose doesn't have to be something that changes the world if you act carefully and with love; it can be anything that simply makes something else better. Each day is a unique chance to do something for ourselves and others, no matter how small, even if it's just resolving to keep a smile on your face.
Two, I realized that I love to cook. Funny, I always envied my friends who could cook because my meals were well, mediocre at best. Maybe it's because Wayne's such a good cook, or because I see how much my family enjoys my recipes, but I have been cooking quite a bit this past year. Know what? I'm pretty good at it!
Three, blogging isn't narcissistic, it's brave. It takes a lot of guts to open yourself up and let people watch your life. I'm not saying I'm brave. I still get to edit and click the publish button after I write, so how raw can that really be right? I'm just saying, I'm putting it out there and you can take it or not, but I'm still the one choosing to do it.
Okay, so these are not earth shattering, miraculous revelations, but what did you expect? Stigmata on my bruschetta?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
While going through the year's posts I realize that I haven't really shared much, the posts are few and ambiguous. So, I resolve to kick my butt in gear and start writing the way I used to - unabashed. Well, maybe I'm a little bit wiser now, so I'll also be writing more conscientiously, but conscientiously unabashed. Oooh, I love compromise. So, here's my YIR (year in review). It's the third one I've done so far and yet my life has taken so many turns since I started blogging. Click on the month or italicized words to take you to the original posts.
January : Emmet Cullen R. Pangelinan joins the pack. Wayne has an affinity for dogs and Emmet is our 4th. He is now a daddy, a year after he came to us. He's getting much bigger now, as Doberman Rotts will get, but he's still acting like a pup.
February : Wayne got a crazy idea to run out in the jungle and cut down some bamboo to make candles for Valentines Day. I get home to see him and Tonton chopping away and Emma and the girls digging out wax from the old power outage candle jars. What a way to reduce, reuse, recycle and romance!
March : Deece made these absolutely wonderful Coconut Ylang Ylang soaps for our wedding bon voyage party. People still talk about them. Shhh...I still have some :)
April : We hosted the family Easter Egg Hunt at our place and it was nice to see most of the family again. I love it when everyone makes time to get together.
May : Hope graduates from Jr. High School. I remember her first day and how much it affected me. She and I have changed so much, we're still learning to get used to one another's new found sense of independence and freedom. Okay, I lied. I'm still getting used to Hope being not yet a woman, not quite a girl.
June : I decide to start blogging again. I mean really trying without editing my intent or watering down my posts.
August : Farewell Dr. Rita H. Inos, our beloved former Commissioner of Education and a truly irreplaceable person.
September : I change my mind about Gardasil after being so adamant about it.
November : Schools on lock down and the island is in shock.
December : Forgiveness, rebirth and an unexpected trip that reminds me there's not just a New Year coming up; there are 363 new days on their way!