Dear Adolescent Boni,
Hey girl, it’s me – you, only a lot more relaxed and not so angry. I bet you're dying to know your bra size, but I'm not telling. I have to break it to you, we’re not 108 pounds anymore. Deal with it and stop saying you’re fat. Take that cigarette out of your mouth. One day you will actually be older and more sophisticated, but right now you look and smell ridiculous. No matter what anyone says, keep your Edie Brickell and your 10,000 maniac tapes. Embrace your geekness. Throw that pink can of Aqua Net away before you take that glamour portrait. It will be a relic in every member of your family’s household that will forever torment you and embarrass your children (wha?).
Sister what’s-her-name was wrong, you are not evil. She's just frustrated by your sarcasm and to be honest, you really need to be a lot nicer to her. It will take time to smooth those ragged edges. Again, you must stop smoking.
Stop complaining about Mrs. Friedman. Because of her you will always want to be a poet. Speaking of poetry, DO NOT let your binder out of your sight. Get Ms. Tmarsel’s address before you graduate, you’ll wonder where she’s at for the rest of your life. Psst...Mr. Crudo isn’t all that cute or that much older than you, so snap out of it! Please pay attention in Algebra. You’ll have to help your kids with their homework one day.
I was going to give you some dating advice, but you’re a romantic spurred on by your big book of British Literature, and all that E.E. Cummings and Lord Byron gunk swirling in your head. You aren’t going to listen to me. Your friends are trying to help and you aren’t listening to them either. You'll get your heart busted up in the worst way, but it won't break.
Your folks are your folks and they pretty much won’t change, so you’ll have to change your expectations of them. They’ll always love you and in their own way, they’ll always be there. Listen, whatever happens between them, you are not to get involved. Peter and Yvette need you more than they do. You know this. Oh, yikes, and don’t let Yvette sneak out before her 18th birthday. Take my word for it, this is not going to be good. You'll never get caught though (wink).
You have some really awesome friends. The gang will stick together for the most part, but some will disappear one day and everyone will be dumbfounded, some are going to marry each other (get out!), you’ll all lose someone very dear one day. Treasure it now, and don’t worry so much about yourself because you’re pretty tough. High School is going to be mostly great for you, but it will get a little rough after that. Keep your head up. You’ll make it out in one piece, I promise.
I can’t wait for you to meet some very important people who will totally change your life. Until then, one piece of advice: don’t do that cabbage patch dance at the pep rally, that’s really lame and I'm still so ashamed of us.
Menudo sucks, sorry Bon. That long
distance call you made to Puerto Rico
will show up on the phone bill and you’ll
be grounded for weeks. And you still won’t
Get to talk to Ricky. Oh, Ricky sucks too.
Trust me on that one.
Thanks to Mona for the post prompt. Others welcome!