Unreal

I was almost finished working on a report while on the phone with central office when I got the snap message "there is a random shooting going on right now around the island". The first and only thing I could think of the whole time was that this was unreal. Who goes around shooting people on Saipan? Hundreds of questions ran through my mind as the school staff prepared for the first ever lock down. The scariest words to hear are that there is danger around, but we don't know where and we don't know how close. 824 students and 72 staff need to be secured, but how? The news came in from all directions, but not from the places we rely on. The Commissioner of Education ordered a precautionary lock down and I commend her for that effort in light of the lack of information from any other authority. When I checked my phone, it seemed that everyone on my Facebook page already knew a version of what had happened and there was still no word from authorities. I understand that there were more pressing matters to attend to at the time, but the if gunman were anywhere near, we would have been easy targets standing at our locked gates. It was unreal.

That evening, as the news came in about the victims I thought about our community, still in shock. What happened today? How could it happen here? Are we safe? Families are in mourning, how painful to lose those you love by a tragedy like this? Why children? Life goes on for most of us, how unfair that it ended so violently for them? An island is in mourning and I sit here not wanting to make sense out of what happened because my heart doesn't want to understand what could make someone do such a horrible thing. Have you ever not wanted to forgive? And yet I know, that it was while we were yet sinners...

Yesterday it seemed everyone was advocating prayer without shame or fear. Odd. Odd but understandable. In our greatest times of crisis and fear, who is else is there to turn to but God, whether or not you believed two seconds ago. I wonder if it pains Him, like a parent who is only needed in times of distress? I believe it doesn't matter. What mattered was the supplication.

It seems unreal to do anything today. I feel dizzying sense of gratitude and guilt waking up to a "normal" life, going to work, opening the door to see my children still asleep while others today are still trying to come to grips. I want to tell the people pitching tents and erecting stages to stop. Postpone, cancel, fore-go it...our community is in pain. I want to sit and make a bucket list because you just never know. I write because I haven't written regularly and I remember how good it made me feel. I wonder if we'll start to do things we enjoy more because we have been reminded that we aren't immune to danger or because we realize that there is so much to be thankful for.

Whew!

Life's been so busy lately!

I can't believe things haven't gotten less hectic since summer. There has been so much to do and so much we've already done, and I can't wait until it slows down a bit. Truth is, Christmas is around the corner and I haven't even prepared my Halloween recipes. Wayne and I have made much needed household renovations and I've even gotten surprises like a brand new bedroom set handmade while I was on a long business trip. It seems we are constantly on the go, but there's always time for family, so it's been good. Here are a few snippets of the past summer, from our home to yours. Enjoy!

Me and my boys in Houston: Clayton, Damon, Blake and Drew

Hope's birthday sleepover at Aquarius!

My yummy shrimp in lemon, tomato, coconut soup!

My brother's place in Arizona: nephew DJ and niece Bunny!

Making homemade waffles with the waffle maker Aunt Debbie sent us!

Tony and Jake Reyes, son and brother

The gang, waiting for registration to start: Sorene, Pete, Mari, Bet, me, Char, Emily

Dad had a golf tournament at Marianas Country Club!
Our sons got to drive golf carts!!

Peyton entered the Disaster Kit contest!

And we haven't forgotten to find time for friends and fun!
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Today in the car.
Sommer: why can't I eat that mommy?
Me: because it will give you pimples on your face. Do you know what pimples are?
Sommer: Yes mom, I know all about acne...sheesh.

Little girls, big decisions

Ever done a Google image search for HPV? I have. What you see will astonish you if you've got the stomach to get past more than one page. Why on earth would I do such a thing? Because it's been on my mind for about a year. In 2007 I wrote a post about the then new HPV Vaccine that was going to be administered to high school girls island-wide. It was an ambitious campaign like nothing we'd ever seen before and it was spearheaded by the Department of Public Health, with the full support of the community, youth groups and the Public School System.

I had an unusual reaction to all of it, quite opposite of what you'd expect from an educator. I responded with a mother's heart, worrying about the short/long term side effects of the drug, the infringement on parental rights, the lack of longitudinal studies surrounding the drug and the enriching of pharmaceutical companies. It all sounded like a conspiracy, this mass vaccination. I got defensive. The real truth was that I felt a sense of misplaced arrogance towards anyone who dared to challenge my parenting. I truly believed that if I taught my daughters how to be sexually responsible women they would not need to worry about contracting STDs. STDs were for "loose" girls, girls who weren't raised in Christian homes, girls who weren't taught the virtue of virginity, the sanctity of marriage or a sense of self-respect. My girls would grow up to be monogamous and so would their husbands.

On the way to work today I listened to guests from the Centers for Disease Control and thought about some of the fears I had regarding Gardasil and the HPV campaign. I tried to be objective about my own misconceptions and balance them out with the legitimate fears I had. Then today during work, the same guests came to share the news that the CNMI's campaign was so successful the CDC had to visit to see what we'd done. It was shared with us that among the at-risk population (young girls), the CNMI has achieved an 80% success rate for prevention. Those aren't just good statistics, they're downright amazing. Does it mean that our young girls will grow up to be (cervical) cancer free? If it does, then we've extended the years that hundreds of families could spend together. If it does, then we've given future mothers more time to raise their children and play with their grandchildren. If it does, then we've saved our medical institutions millions of dollars in health care/disease intervention and treatment. It means that old women will live longer lives and die natural deaths.
I'm still admittedly skeptical. The findings aren't conclusive, we don't have enough years of data and what the critics out there have to say is pretty scary. I'm weighing the risk between making sure my daughters never get cervical cancer or possibly becoming infertile. I always thought I'd be able to protect my children, and for the most part I can just by talking with them and trusting that they will make good choices. I realize however, that we can't control everything that happens in our lives and the dangers of HPV do not just come from unprotected, promiscuous sex. Humans can have a more devastating effect than any virus on earth. There are people out there who have the ability to convince others that the risk of getting cervical cancer from HPV is lower than that of getting killed in a car wreck. There are people who will sacrifice the lives of others to suit their own selfish desires. Will my girls gaze lovingly into someone's eyes one day and gamble their lives away for a few empty promises? Lastly, am I willing to take that chance?
It's not easy to make these decisions, to put your children in the hands of scientists, no matter how well intentioned they are. Although I've changed my mind about the benefits of the vaccine, I feel the same anxiety I did two years ago. I feel anxiety about every decision I make that affects the welfare of my children because they are irreplaceable.

I won, I won, I won, I won, I won!!!

Deece came to drop off my prize! I feel like, so smart cause I won AGAIN at Wednesday What Is It. Um, by the way DC (I can do that, cause she spells her name different ways too), what do we have to do to get WWII back on? Rally at the Horiguchi Bldg? Candlelight Vigil at AMP? How about a hunger strike huh? Just joking, I don't do hunger.

Adios Dr. Rita H. Inos, Commissioner, mentor, friend

My first experience with Dr. Rita Inos was as a teacher aide going through the NMC School of Education. I had heard the name of our newest Commissioner, and that she was going to be visiting our class to speak about multi-culturalism. What I didn't know was that I would be introduced to one of the most formidable forces of education, probably in my lifetime. She walked in, as she did every other time I'd ever seen her, with that smile! I'll never forget her beautiful smile because she carried it through budget cuts, explosive principal's meetings, and countless other trials that we were to face. People say her laughter was infectious. I only remember that it had a way of calming even the most tense of circumstances. She wore her smile with grace, and I will always miss seeing it. She possessed an uncanny ability to remember people's names, even those she'd never met. In our class that evening, I asked a question and she responded, addressing me by name and referencing my school. I was an aide, and the commissioner knew what I did and where I worked and who I was! I was impressed with her memorization skills, but learned later that it was her character to remember people and not just facts.
Dr. Inos believed in cultivating local resources and worked her lifetime to encourage indigenous people to take charge in their community. She was a proponent of programs that enhanced student awareness of language and culture and supported teachers in the pursuit of content knowledge expertise. There is no doubt that Dr. Inos was intelligent, she made it a point to model lifelong learning and reciprocity. She was constantly giving back her talents, skills and time. And even when she was ill, she found ways to share herself, never completely leaving the system and the people in it who loved her. The CNMI lost a pioneer today, but her legacy lives on in those who remember the vision she started. Adios auntie Rit, thank you for your leadership, your guidance, your love, your laughter...your smile. As you hasten to meet the angels, know that when the tears eventually dry and the ache of our grief finally lessens, your legacy will remain strong.

Snazzy, creepy, cutesy

I've finally learned how to put a background on my blog! It'll take some time to fashion one that's uniquely me, but in the meantime I'm liking this one a lot. Thanks, Dave for sharing. I asked someone a while back, but I guess it was some big secret. Oh well, I guess he didn't know Harry Wong.

Speaking of Harry Wong, I'm going to see him live real soon! (insert crazy screaming and jumping up and down here)
I hope I don't go all Sanjaya on Wong. Yep, that would be a little bit awkward and embarrassing. **************
Sommer says, while driving into Kobler, "Tontonville!" LOL, almost but not quite baby.