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Monday, June 11, 2007

Sorry Ma'am



Will somebody tell me what this gorgeous flower is called?
*****
I was going to finish the script frenzy, but I had life chaos. My hubby is away on annual training and my kids are on summer vacation. I guess the world will have to wait for my monologues.
*****
O'HANA MY BUTT!!
Hello, this is the bank. The checks you wrote to the bank will not be honored because they are in the bank's name, even though you specified your account number as the deposit destination and you've deposited numerous checks out this exact same way in the past. Please write a check to yourself and deposit it again. Yes, I know we're closed right now. Yes, I know you've never had a problem depositing money this way before. Yes, we will charge you a fee.

Next morning:

Hello, this is the bank again. The checks you wrote in your name will not be honored because the checks you wrote to the bank yesterday were not honored, and so we are convinced you are a schlep and we don't trust you anymore. We're putting them on hold, you will have to wait until next Thursday. I am new here, so I just found this out from my supervisor. Yes, you will be charged. I am very sorry ma'am.

You told me to write a check out to myself. Yes, but you can't.
Yes, but I was complying with what you told me to do yesterday.

I am very sorry ma'am.
You told me to deposit the other check by ATM last night, and this morning, it would be fine.
I'm very sorry ma'am. Yes ma'am (even if I gave you the wrong information because I am new here and didn't know that telling you to deposit cash would be easier), you will incur fees. I'm very sorry ma'am.
So, I'm being penalized for following your directions?(silence)
Can I speak to your manager? She's not here, but she's the one who told me to call you.
So, even though I did what you asked me to do, I'll have to wait until Thursday to access my deposit? I'm very sorry ma'am.
*****
Me at the drive through: Can I have the sausages without the rice?
Customer Service: I'm sorry ma'am we don't serve the sausages without the rice.
Me: Can't you just take the rice out? If you want, give me extra corn?
C.S.: For a while...
C.S: What is your drink?
Me: What do you have?
C.S.: soda, coffee and chocolate
Me: Can I have some water?
C.S.: Oh, I'm sorry ma'am we don't serve water with breakfast.
Me: What if I don't want soda, coffee or chocolate?
C.S.: (blank stare)
Me: Can you just put some water in the soda cup?
C.S.: (hesitating) yes ma'am
C.S.: I'm sorry ma'am, my manager said cannot give you extra corn.
Me: But, I don't want any rice and I don't want any soda or chocolate or coffee
C.S.: We only serve with rice ma'am. Sorry ma'am
C.S.: So, what do you want?


13 comments:

Steve Nguyen said...

Boni: You are hilarious! I am really going to miss your sense of humor!

BoReGo said...

I'm going to miss your level-headedness and diplomacy in the face of chaos. When we get to Texas, I am gonna hunt you down with my big NRA rifle and humongoid Chevy truck!

Marianas Eye said...

Sounds like the customer service department needs a new script. "Hello. Thank you for calling 'Customer Frustration' how may I help you?"

d

Saipan Writer said...

This made me laugh. Seriously, on my next BOH encounter, I'm going to use your line--O'hana my butt!

funi haha said...

what do expect for $3.05 an hour?

you should have asked for the manager (who probably makes $3.09 p/h).

that would have been even funnier having to explain to you why all the meals are numbered to make your ordering more convenient for them :) and any variation from the set menu would have to involve the accounting department (which is in another location and cannot be consulted) to which you might have asked to speak with them (another blank stare)...over the phone!!!

the manager (not having any common sense) then disappears - probably went to call the accountant...in the meantime, the drive thru now has a few more customers wondering what's taking so long?

then, the original window idiot comes back to tell you that the accountant is out to lunch and won't be back for an hour but the manager said you can have what you want - they'll just charge you for your 'special order'...

after hearing that, you decide to drive on thru and never come backk again @*&^*$&^!!!!!

delighted that you left, the order taker then welcomes the next victim who, ofcourse, has to know what's going on? the answer to which is -you're in a hurry...but according to her - "you wanted extra corn"!!

Melissa said...

Well, I was at McDonald's yesterday, and I noticed a stamp like the ones they put on the back of checks and it said, no lie, "McVOID" on it!!

BoReGo said...

I expect service in exchange for my patronage. I don't think many employers here empower their staff to make decisions.

Deece said...

So frustrating, and at the same time so hilarious. I often post about my customer service fiascos in hopes that it will magically get better. So far no changes.

Lex said...

I work at a call center myself and I'll have to admit I get tired of hearing myself apologizing over and over... I'd rather just get the job done and hang up. But our bosses want us to sympathize and empathize with the customers *grumbles* more so than other companies. Courtesy and Concern!

Mona said...

You can afford bad customers, but you can't afford bad customer service.

I should write a management book. Fo' realz.

BoReGo said...

Amen sister! You don't want to argue with people in food establishments for too long though. You never know what kind of special sauce gets in your meal.

BoReGo said...

Lex: Apologizing is worse than not doing anything at all. I'm sorry to me means you're wasting my time and yours. I'd rather have someone say, "I really don't have control over the product, is there something else you'd like instead?" than to keep me hanging when they know I'm already frustrated. It's worse here though, because there is a look of complacency on people's faces when they are apologizing, you can tell they aren't genuinely sorry.

Lex said...

exactly =)