The trouble with giving a mom peace and quiet is that when she gets it she has absolutely no clue what to do with it and wastes all her time trying to absorb it that she ends up falling asleep having taken advantage of nothing. Moms on business trips are worse. Instead of reveling in the fact that someone else is paid to clean up after her, what does she do? She arranges her clothes neatly in the closet and drawers, organizes her beauty products on the bathroom counter and makes everything pretty, like at home. Take yours truly, for instance. I can finally spend all the time I want in the bathroom without little fists pounding on the door asking, "mommy are you peeing?" And, I can finally lay in bed and read my book all night to if I want but I don't because the silence is killing me. I can watch TV, anything at all and not have to flip it to iCarly to see the episode where Sam tells everyone what'shisname's never kissed a girl, but I don't because everything on television is boring tonight. Of all nights, the night I can watch anything I want to. There's something inherently wrong with this picture. My theory is that when we become mothers our "me" genes mutate and we're incapable of enjoying anything that doesn't include a thought directly linked to the well being of our children. It's like that experiment with vicious dogs that get yanked by chains every time they try to lunge at something, and then after a while when the chains are removed they just sit there and stare like, "whatever".
I got out of the conference today with plenty of time to do my prep for my presentation tomorrow, walk around the shops at the mall and eat a nice dinner. I purposefully got back super early so that I could get online and say hello to my honey and then finish my book in utter tranquility. That was the plan. The plan was thwarted by this inability to even get myself psyched to read. I am sitting on my hotel bed thinking about how quiet it is and how disquieting that feels. Totally counterproductive! So here I sit, lamenting this serenity I don't deserve. It's 10:00 pm and in about four hours, because in normal Saipan time I have insomnia, I will drift off to sleep without having swung from the chandelier even once.