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Saturday, March 15, 2008

Boni Pending

It used to be our names defined us. My family's history wove itself wordlessly through my name, Yvonne Reyes. It was enough until the metamorphosis began. Redefining myself started with what else but my name, and that too seemed sufficient until I became so much more:

A grown up. A wife. A mommy. A teacher. An aunt. A part a community whose names were interwoven to cement my identity. It was something bigger than just myself and it nearly qualified my existence. For a time.

Today I find myself in transition yet again. I am a soon to be. I am a soon to be single mother of four gorgeous children; a soon to be single 37 year old divorce'; a soon to be sole provider of a household in need of structure and laughter; a soon to be friend to myself, whoever that person is. Like Trina Paulus' cocoon maker who realizes she has the same potential to be a butterfly, I must first be "willing to give up being a caterpillar".

Boni. Boni Gomez. Boni Reyes. Soon.

24 comments:

saipanboonieman said...

or stay in your cocoon forever..... but what life would that be right? fly boni, fly...... the view is better from up there!

Tamara said...

Oh Boni...you will be the best Boni Reyes there could ever be..I'm with Boonieman...Ive been there and not only did I survive I came out of it a much better version of myself...fly boni, fly!

Anonymous said...

your name may be who you are known as, but can never be what defines you. you are a strong, intelligent, caring woman and no one can take that away from you. only you can define who you are. cliff is right boni...the view is better from up there. from a single mom to another...catpag
cpspak@hotmail.com

Marianas Pride said...

Boni, you are strong, intelligent, funny, beautiful, and a marvelous mom. Life is filled with joy but also pain. Your pain will subside with the grace of time, but I know you will come out of this stronger than ever. Your friends are always here for you and are only a beer away. I wish you the very best during this very difficult time and will continue to pray for you and your family. Take care Bon.

Boni said...

Its nice to have a wingman:) You're right the view is better from up there. Gimme some time to get used to the Gs.

kirida said...

Hang in there, Boni.

Marianas Pride said...

Whenever I am troubled I find solace in prayer. It is weird because I spent the better part of a decade renouncing my faith. Now I can't imagine life without it. During my darkest times I ignored God until one day I went to Church and prayed so hard I cried. It was funny because an older man told me I must have some heavy sins. I did. But my faith and prayer got me through everything and renewed my commitment to becoming a better husband and father. Boni, the rest of your life awaits you. You are going to be fine, this I know.

bigsoxfan said...

Glad to see you are on the way back, Boni. Hope you all have a happy Sunday. Mark

CNMI Blogger said...

Bon--

I haven't been blogging much lately, and I'm almost sorry I visited now to get this sad news. Well, just remember, you still have four gorgeous kids, your immediate and extended family, and lots of friends who love and support you.

Hang in there and don't be a stranger. You are a strong lady and you will weather the storm.

Beverly Mae said...

Hey Boni, I'm praying for you. Hang in there.

Betty said...

How ironic "Lean on Me" was playing on the computer when I came across this. Can TOTALLY relate to what you're going through, including the pain and fear for the future. Dive in Boni, the water is fine! I'm just a phone call away. ; - )

the un cheesy Bree said...

know that even 6,000 miles across a big ocean, there are people thinking of you and your family. i see that butterfly as well. and thank you for being brave enough to share.

Marianas Pride said...

Boni, perhaps writing could be therapeutic. I have an article in mind, and it is not betelnut!

Boni said...

Bring it on boss.

rev said...

(first you don't have to save this message) I just want to tell you that i'm sorry to hear about it. like tamara, i too am a product of such challenges in life. my mom showed strength through it all. i haven't seen my dad since 1994 but they have been separated since 1986. it was hard for us, kids then, but my mom showed strength, hence, we somehow absorbed it from her. we studied harder, fended for ourselves...

as long as my mom was there, my sisters and i hung on. life is still challenging for my family but i always think of my mom, how she sacrificed for us. that stuck to my head and made me stronger and made me who i am today.

i dont know what else to say but to hope that you hang in there. my mom would always look at us when were still kids and i could see it in her eyes that she was happy with her kids. with us.

then finally one day she told us, "i don't need anyone else 'cause i have all of you (us, her kids)"

i saw tears ran down her face and for the first time that moment, i knew my mom was indeed happy.

;-)

Houston TX said...

Tried calling you a couple of times. I wish you would answer or even text me with how you feel and what's going on. I am surprised that I had to hear lots of it from others. Hopefully you would text me and I'll call you. I AM STILL HERE FOR YOU, even if I'm across the ocean.

Lex said...

"Just Relax" and smile =)

Anonymous said...

Hi, boss...I am so sorry to hear about this, I know that you will pull from it and that all will be okay, you'll see. You and the kids are in my prayer. Stay strong. Si, Liz

Boni said...

Rev: thanks for that. I know I'm not alone, even as a child of divorce I feel like i'm treading uncharted waters. Tonia: girl, you know me. Sometimes the shell gets more comfy. Hard to not talk to you and want to be right next to you so you can smack me on the head:) Love you sister. Liz: I am not your boss girl, but thank you. Thousands of miles away, I can hear your voice. We Mallards never really lose our feathers when we fly from the pond do we? Take care and know that your words of comfort make each day easier. Each day is getting so much easier:)

Bruce A. Bateman said...

It was good to see you the other day, Boni. You look good and you are on the mend. Just keeping those four youngsters moving forward will keep you busy enough to weather this, or any other storm on the horizon.

It's not about the name you or others call you. It's about your choices, your strengths, your commitment to a better life for you and those wonderful children.

You don't need more encouragement...you ARE encouragement for scores, nay hundreds, maybe thousands of students and peers you have mentored to over the years. Plenty are counting on you and I know you will continue being their guidepost. Hang tough.

Marianas Eye said...

Oh, Boni, I was hoping the end of your blogging hiatus would come with a different post, as I'm sure you were as well. Life sucks. And, Life is wonderful.

This bit of wisdom often helps me:

The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.

Warmest,

David

Boni said...

Bruce: excellent lunch there at Porky's. It was nice talking to you for a bit. Its always refreshing to see friends who don't automatically want to give me the obligatory "poor you" hug, but instead genuinely just want to talk. David: Bring on the rain...

Saipan Writer said...

Happy Easter and take care, Boni.

Divorce is hard. I've seen it as a wife (make that ex-wife) and as a lawyer. When kids are involved, it's even harder and trickier.

You have my condolences--because divorce, in some way, is a failure of a dream to come true.

You have my congratulations--because divorce, in some way, is a step toward a new beginning, a recognition of what can and cannot be, a plan for the next day.

Let me know how I can help.

Anonymous said...

Boni, How distressing!!! I was so anxious to read your blog until...but you looked "serene" as usual last week when I saw you. Physically, you are not a stout, Personality wise, you are!!! You n your gorgeous kiddos are in my prayers. Stay Strong Bon Bon!!!